be a mate

Nine times out of ten your gut will tell you. You'll see changes in behaviour. They may be angry in general, or withdrawn. If in doubt, just talk!

Always act with empathy and understanding. Talk with them, not at them. For example use empathetic sentence starters like "the last time I was acting like this I had ....going on. What's worrying you?"

There are services locally that you can connect with. The Rural Support Trust has support in most regions of New Zealand. You can also connect with your local GP. Bring your mate with you to talk to them, but take notes of your conversation when you're there for later when your mate is ready to talk.

If you're concerned enough about your mate to reach out in the first place then reach out again or talk to another mate and or family member and ask them to reach out as well. Get them to be empathetic in their approach and say they think they need a talk.

Sometimes it's better to talk to someone you don't know well. They're less likely to be dismissive but also may find it easier to talk to someone who is removed and not directly affected by the mate's behaviour.

Start the conversation with empathy. Use the CHUR approach:
‍Connect with them:
‍Hear them out:
‍Uplift:
‍Reassure and then refer them to someone to help.